September 1986

Gay Peoples Chronicle

page 11

THE FEAR OF BEING POSITIVE

By TIMOTHY P. THOMAS

Recently I began working at McCaffety Clinic with the program testing for exposure to the HTLV-3 virus. Each day brought new faces with similar fears. The people I spoke with came in swollen glands, slight fevers, some weight loss, fatigue, some bad diarrhea or a dry cough.

with

As I listened to my clients, I realized that I too had some of these "symp-

toms. Even though I knew that the symptoms we see in AIDS/ARC patients are also seen in common flu, bronchitis, and other viruses, felt the blanket of AIDS anxiety cover me!

I

I became very conscious of my health and every slight physical problem I felt. came down with chicken in early June. This down quite a bit. A couple of weeks later I had a bad

I pox ran me

cold, and then came allergy season. My glands began to swell in my neck and armpits. I felt very fatigued and lost six or pounds. I noticed my fear increased as these symptoms continued. AIDS became more and more the focus of my attention.

was

By early August I overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and apprehension. It was impossible to become sick or just be worn down without fearing I had AIDS. So I

finally took the HTLV-3 test.

I knew that the test result would not necessarily be 100% accurate; there is always a possibility for false readings in medicine. But perhaps I could get out of limbo mentally.

The two-week waiting period was stresful. Odd Behaviors and thoughts came over me. Before I went to Toronto for vacation, I received a life insurance advertisement in the mail. If I wanted it at a certain rate, I would have to send it in before left.

energetic.

Some very good things came out of this experience. I became closer to my higher power/God. I prayed a lot for courage and comfort. I tried to become a more spiritual The common person. moments of life became even more beautiful to me: quiet walks along the beach by myself, a long drive in the country, visiting my par ents. Even Levy 501 commercials were exciting to watch. I just wanted to be alive and do so much.

Here are some interesting statistics. This year 472,000 people died of cancer. That's 1,292 each day. Each

year 50,000 deaths are due to traffic accidents, there are 27,000 suicides, 23,000 murders, 13,000 occupational deaths, and 8,000 killed. So pedestrians are far, the Centers for Disease CVontrol report 23,000 cases of AIDS and 12,966 persons have died of it. That's a 55% fatality rate.

My chances of being killed walking acros the street are Three days after my birthgreater than dying of AIDS. The public hysteria I received the test reis

day My suspicious mind

felt that this was a sign. While in Toronto, I felt very tired, lacked any appetite, and had some diarrhea. My fears immediately took off again. I thought "it" must me getting worse. I ought to be more active and full of life: after all, here I was in Toronto, with so much to do and new people to meet, but instead I felt sick. I spent one day bed. The more I thought about AIDS, the sicker I felt. I was on an emotional treadmil and just could not get off.

suit. It was non-reactive. An immense moment of peace came over me, followed by excitement. Maybe I could DOW do all those life things! Suddenly I even felt physically better. It was all in my mind, and how it over. Then I thought "But of course I hadn't really been at risk. I must have over-reacted. Some

was

over-reaction! in

I

Somehow I either forgot or minimized the facts that had been very busy at work, had been rundown since the checken pox and cold, and had been generaly sad about a relationship I had recently ended. I was expecting to be normal, healthy,

and

18

Some thoughts had comforted me during this waiting period. Four out of five people who test positive for the HTLV-3 virus may not develop AIDS in a five-year period or at all. Most people with a verified positive antibody test result DO NOT HAVE AIDS. Some people who are exposed to the AIDS virus may develop symptoms but never progress beyond that stage.

greatly out of proportion; and so was mine.

Please don't misunderstand me. AIDS is a serious health concern, especially for the gay community. One single death from AIDS is one too many. We need to alter_sexual behavior greatly. I urge all gay and bisexual men to use safe-sex practices. They are our only defense against the spread of AIDS.

non-

Once you receive a reactive test result, stay that way. During the waiting period focus your thoughts on positive things. Your thoughts may tend to stray into the worst possible situation, but bring yourself back to to the here and now. Your positive thinking may be the only avenue to serenity that you will have. For more information about AIDS, call 1-800-332-AIDS.

AIDS TRANSMISSION: RECENT FINDINGS

By JIM PRIESTER

Last month I published an article about the neurological aspects of AIDS. This month I had planned to offer some suggestions for those of you who have friends infected by this syndrome. However, I would instead

like to share with you some interesting aspects of recent findings regarding the transmission of AIDS.

This is, no doubt, a great fear among those who have loved ones suffering from this illness. In the recent "grief counseling" that I sometimes am confronted

with, there seems to be a growing interest about the Contagious aspect of AIDS. I assume the same holds for the general public reading this newspaper.

In the latter part of 1985, the Centers for Disease Control initiated a surveillance of health care workers with documented mucous membrane exposure to

potentially infectious body fluids of persons with definite of suspected AIDS. At that time 361 health care workers were in the registry and 40% had been followed for 13 months or longer. None of them had deeloped signs or symptoms suggestive of AIDS. Western blöt surveillance was also done on 40 of these individuals at an average of eight months after exposure, and none of these persons were HTLV-3 antibody-positive.

I recently read that one Florida surgeon has died of AIDS. Interestingly enough, he was studied, rather than those with whom he had surgical contact. In 1981 he showed evidence of having an immune disorder. From 1970 to 1983, the report stated he had operated on a total of 400 patients. Of these, 80% had endoscopic proces(studies) made, and 20% 'through the skin" Procedures. A registry of his patients was created and cross-

ses

18

h

checked monthly with AIDS cases reported by the State Health Department. No cases of AIDS have yet been reported among his patients.

However one can not conclude that the study was done well--or badly. What is encouraging to the layperson is that we need not be as paranoid taught

as we were

by the media.

Another researcher, Saviteer, reported about two nurses who participated in mouth-to-mouth resuscitation of a patient with AIDS-related complex who was positive for HTLV-3. Both nurses thus had mucous membrane exposure to potentially infectious saliva. During the nine months over which they were followed, initial as well as subsequent samples for each nurse were negative for the HTLV-3 antibody. The nurses' initial physical examinations, lymphocyte counts, and suppressor ratios were within normal limits.

To the lay person, what

does this all mean? It is reassuring to know that those of us with loved ones infected with AIDS need not worry about having to kiss them goodbye, when leaving home, ith the assistance of Saran-wrap as a protective

barrier.

Nor should we fear

having to "run for shelter" during respiratory problems. One man I have been seein said that since he contracted AIDS everyone has treated him like a leper. He has thus become more depressed and much more withdrawn. Understandably so.

Maybe this article did address two birds at once: recent findings on the transmission process of AIDS; and the myths that can well kep us from providing comfort to those with this syndrome.

Jim Priester is a clinical social worker in the Cleveland area, currently pursuing his Ph.D. in Counselling Psychology. He can be reached at Euclid Guidance Associates.